From the Mouths of Babes
by Tesekian
Summary: First in the Hide and Seek series. My name is Susanne. I have no second name. I'm just me. Susanne. And this is my story.
1. Default Chapter

My name is Susanne. That is the only name I have. I have no second name. For a second name you need parents, and I have none. I've never known the names of my parents and I never will. I wasn't born to a woman in the normal way, I was grown in a lab. There was a man I came to call Dad, but I never thought of him that way, and I know he isn't really my father.  
  
I have no rank, despite being with the US Air Force for ten years.  
  
I have no salutations because I've never been to school. That doesn't mean I lack and education. I know more about wormholes than any astrophysicist, I understand the workings of a naquadah reactor and I know the process needed to turn a planet into a star, but I'm no physicist. I know the history of every country and people on Earth, I could quote thousands of historic texts and I can recognise artefacts of any age from any country, but I'm no historian. I know more about the make up of the human body than almost anyone else on Earth, and I know a lot more about aliens than anyone, but I'm no doctor. I can fire any weapon and know how to kill with a blow, but I'm no soldier.  
  
I'm just me. Susanne. And this is my story.  
  
There were a group of people who raised me and taught me. They were all such different people, and they all had such different lessons to teach. Sam was a scientist. She taught me about physics and the way the universe works, she taught me everything I didn't teach myself about computers. It was Sam who taught me the value of knowledge. Daniel was an archaeologist. He taught me about history and languages, about the different countries of the world. It was Daniel who taught me to look for the good in people, no matter what their nationality or even species. Teal'c taught me the soldier's code of the Jaffa, although he changed the sections referring to honouring one's god. He told me that the most important person to honour is yourself, and that you should always act in a way you felt was right. It was Teal'c who taught me about honour and the value of my word. Janet taught me about medicine and how the body works. It was Janet who taught me how to save a life. Jack taught me how to use weapons and how to fight, but he explained how to find ways other than fighting. He told me that rest is as valuable as working. It was Jack who taught me how to play.  
  
There was another man, Hammond, who I didn't know as well. I remember him as a fat, bald man, who was always telling me off. But he taught me some valuable lessons as well. He taught me about respect, and I respected him. But there was another lesson, one far less pleasant but just as important. He taught me about death. 


	2. A Hard Lesson

My earliest memory is asking a question I asked a lot in my early years, to various different people. I think I was two, but I might have been three, I'm not sure. I went into Daniel's lab and asked him, "Why do I only have one name when everyone else has three?"  
  
Daniel smiled at me and replied, "Because you're special." Then he paused. "And you're not the only one who doesn't have three names, Teal'c only has one."  
  
"Is Teal'c special too?"  
  
"Everyone's special in their own way, you're just special in this way." I didn't really understand that at the time, but I do now. Everyone is different and has unique qualities, it just happened the my unique qualities were so much different from anyone else's.  
  
I asked the same question to a lot of people, and got a lot of different answers. "If everyone was the same, life would be boring," Jack said, "variety livens things up." Jack had a lot to say about boredom, mainly about how boring Sam and Daniel were when they prattled on. I used to wonder why he spent all his time with them if he didn't like them, it was only later that I came to realise just how much he did like them, even with their faults.  
  
Janet said that people got one of their names from their parents, but I wasn't born in the normal way so I only had Susanne. Then I started asking about how my birth was different and she ended up shooing me out of the infirmary.  
  
Teal'c told me that on Chulak people had only one name, and anyone with more would be unusual. I liked listening to him tell me about Chulak.  
  
Sam's answer was, "Everyone has different names to be used at different times by different people. You haven't encountered any situations where you need a name other than Susanne." Then of course I asked her about the different circumstances where other names would be needed. She talked until she got annoyed with me and told me she had work to do. I think I spent a lot of time annoying people back then. I still do annoy people, mainly because I'm still alive and they want it otherwise.  
  
I still wasn't satisfied, so I wandered the halls, trying to figure it out.  
  
"What are you doing here?" I looked up at the man I'd only before known as a distant figure who told the others what to do. I shrugged. "You can't just stand around here," he said firmly. I thought I was in trouble, I associated stern voices with being in trouble, so I was worried when he put his hand on my shoulder and took me to his office. He sat me down on a chair and I just sat there, swinging my legs, waiting to be told off. He just sat at his computer and typed, probably writing up reports or something along those lines. When I realised he wasn't planning to tell me off, I went on wondering about different people's names.  
  
"Why are you looking miserable?" Hammond finally asked.  
  
I shrugged again. "I've got a question and no one can answer it properly."  
  
"What question?"  
  
"Why does everyone have more names than me?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, Sam's also got Major and Carter. And Jack's got O'Neill and Colonel. Stuff like that."  
  
"Let's start with Sam. Who calls her that?"  
  
"Me, and Daniel, and Janet, and a few other people."  
  
"People she's good friends with."  
  
I nodded. "But Jack's good friends with her and he calls her Carter."  
  
"People's first name is a name their friends call them. But most adults call children by their first name, that's why you're called Susanne. This is the military though, and people often call people they have command over by their last name. Like Colonel O'Neill calls Sam Carter, and I often call him O'Neill. Understand?" I nodded. "The third name isn't really a name, it's a title. Sam was once a captain, but she became a major. Jack was once a major but he became a colonel. As they get better at their job, they get a different title. I was once a colonel."  
  
"So when Jack gets better, he'll become a general."  
  
"Exactly. If you join the Air Force one day, you'll get a title too."  
  
I thought I while. "Where does Doctor come into it?"  
  
"Doctor's a different sort of title. It's a title you get when you've done a lot of work and learned a lot of things. When you know enough, you'll become a doctor. People in the Air Force sometimes have the title doctor too."  
  
"Like Janet."  
  
"Yes, like Janet." I was finally pleased I understood the answer to my problem with names. "Now run off and bother someone else." I did as he told me, happily. I often asked Hammond questions like that when the others couldn't answer them to my satisfaction, but he wasn't the one I went to first. Hammond would never be a good friend to me in the same way the others were, and I would never call him George. But I respected him, and I listened to him. I also learned he wasn't as patient with me as the others were, so I learned not to bother him too much.  
  
The final lesson I learned from him is one I wish no one in the world had to learn. But death is a fact of life.  
  
I was four years old, and playing with a ball in the Gate room. I was throwing up the ball, trying to get it to hit the control room windows. It was much better to play in there than anywhere else on base because I could set myself a challenge like that. I think I gave the airmen on duty in the Gate room some entertainment too, because they always applauded me when I managed to hit my target. Occasionally, it bounced off the wall and hit one of them, and the others had a laugh at their expense. Newcomers to the base had difficulty getting used to me wandering around as I pleased, but they soon got used to it. One of the visitors saw me and complained because I was able to see more than he was. Hammond told me afterwards that I should stay away from visitors.  
  
On this occasion the alarms went off while I was playing. I'd heard the alarms before, you can't spend much time at the SGC without hearing them, but I'd never been near the Gate when it happened. I just watched. I was curious as the airmen rushed in and the iris closed, wondering what would happen. I wasn't afraid, I'd never had reason to be afraid before. I thought this was just some new game. I laughed as the bangs of impacts sounded through the room, but I didn't laugh when the iris started to crack and I saw the worry on everyone else's faces. I knew something was wrong. The iris held until the wormhole shut down, but, for the first time in my life, I knew fear.  
  
As soon as the wormhole shut down, Hammond rushed into the Gate room and grabbed me. His fingers dug into my arm, hurting me, as he towed me to his office. I was more scared of him than I was of the attack through the Gate, I had some idea of what Hammond's anger could mean. He shoved me into a seat and dumped himself in his own, glaring at me, his face a thundercloud.  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing in there?" he screamed at me, "Were you trying to get yourself killed?"  
  
I was afraid to ask him a question I needed to ask. I shrank into my seat, away from him. It was only after he yelled, "Well?!" at me that I spoke.  
  
"What..." I began nervously, "What does 'killed' mean?"  
  
He seemed to calm down when I asked that, and paused before he spoke. "Being killed is like going to sleep, only you never wake up. The dead person can never do any of the things they enjoy doing, and the other people need to get used to that person not being around. I don't want that to happen to you." That was when I first realised how much Hammond cared about me, he just didn't show it that often.  
  
Even with Hammond's explanation, I didn't understand about death, and it's not a subject you can easily talk about on a base like the SGC. It wasn't until six months later, shortly after my fifth birthday, that I did understand. I got up one day and everyone was looking sad, no one was smiling. Even Jack was looking miserable. I didn't know what was going on, and no one would tell me. I didn't like that, I don't think anyone does like being left in the dark. I knew it was something important and I wanted to know what. I thought that maybe Hammond would tell me, so I went to his office. It was empty.  
  
That worried me. I didn't worry much back then, but suddenly Hammond wasn't where he always was. I tried to get the airmen to tell me, but they just sent me away. I went to Janet in the infirmary. I saw Hammond there, and he wasn't asleep. I didn't understand why he looked so pale and stiff. I ran to him, and tried shaking him, but he didn't notice me. He was cold.  
  
"He's dead, Susanne," Janet told me quietly. I looked at him, not wanting to believe it. He didn't look like he was asleep and I didn't want to believe he would lie to me about death being a sleep. I shook him and spoke to him, but he didn't respond. I began to cry, as the knowledge slowly filtered through. Hammond was dead, and I'd never be able to talk to him again. I don't think I ever really cried before then, but I did that time. I couldn't bear to look at his face, drained of life, so I ran.  
  
There was something else about his death that was strange, but I didn't know it at the time. A lot of people were angry, mostly SG-1 and Janet. I didn't know who they were angry at, or why, so I thought it was just something that happened when someone died.  
  
At five years old, I didn't know the meaning of the word murder. 


	3. Discoveries

Author's note: I meant to post this chapter yesterday but stupid ff.net was playing up, so you get two chapters today.  
  
***  
  
I grew up being told I was 'different' and 'special' but I didn't really understand what that meant. I'd grown up on the base and didn't know anything different. Janet spent a lot of time doing tests on me, and I got to see the results, but I didn't see the results of anyone else's tests to see how different mine were.  
  
When General Cassidy took command of the base he didn't like me wandering around the way I was used to. He said it was dangerous, and it probably was. He organised a strict schedule of lessons for me, from various people on the base. The members of SG-1 taught me while they were on base, but other people taught me when they were on missions. I got a lot of different teachers, based on who was on base, and who had important projects on. Most children would find it more or less impossible to learn in situations like that, but, as I've already said, I'm not an ordinary child. I enjoyed my lessons, something Jack struggled to understand, but I was curious about everything and listened to anyone willing to teach me.  
  
By the time I was six I knew enough about medicine to become a qualified doctor. It was when I was studying the human brain that I learned why. I'd been shown MRI's I'd had taken since I was little, and thought I knew what to expect. Janet was always taking me into the infirmary to do tests on me, I didn't think anything of it since a lot of people went into the infirmary frequently. It was only when she showed me an MRI of a healthy brain that I saw the first difference between myself and others.  
  
"Why don't other people have nano-processors?" I asked.  
  
"Because you're different," she told me, then realised I wouldn't stop until I got a more satisfactory answer. "They help you learn things, so you remember and understand things better than most people. No one else your age would understand the things you get taught." Saying something like to a six year old is an easy way to give them a big head, and I was quoting Janet for weeks afterwards, until nearly everyone on base had yelled at me at least ten times. It wasn't quite that bad, but it seemed like it. Daniel had to have a talk with me about how boasting can hurt other people's feelings to get me to stop. Looking at diagrams and pictures of other people's bodies made me realise just how different I was. It wasn't just the nano-processors, ordinary people didn't have nanites improving their immune system, or slowing their ageing. Ordinary people didn't have naquadah in their blood, or trinium strengthening their bones. Biologically, I was a freak.  
  
"Why am I so different?"  
  
I could tell Janet was reluctant to tell me, but did anyway. "The NID were wanting to make use of the things we'd found on other planets, and were coming up with ways to use them in medicine. But they weren't sure if it would be safe. They grew you, like people grow bacteria cultures, and used you to test their theories. You seemed to be healthy, but they couldn't be sure until you were older. That was why you were sent here, so we could observe you and make sure you were OK."  
  
"So I was just a guinea pig?!" It was only natural I should be angry, learning something like that about myself. I remembered Hammond's concern about me, was that just because he didn't want to wreck the experiment? Were the others only teaching me these things to see what my learning capacities were?  
  
"Maybe to start with," Janet said, "but not now. All of us care for you as a person, not a scientific experiment."  
  
I ran out of the infirmary, bumping into airmen in the halls. I didn't look where I was going, I just went there. I found myself at the stairs leading up to the surface and climbed them. Fortunately, both men on duty were ones who remembered the time when Hammond let me do as I pleased. They let me leave without question, I was just a child to whom the SGC was home. I climbed up to the to of the mountain, where there were thickly-growing trees. I liked it up there, where you could barely tell there was a military base only a few metres away.  
  
I'm not sure how long I sat up there, thinking. I felt betrayed, learning of my origins in that way. That was the first time I wished I had an ordinary life. It's something I've wished a lot since, but before then I was happy with who I was. I had never considered myself a freak before, but now I was. The inner turmoil that raged within me caused floods of tears to stream down my cheeks as I tried to understand. My friends became strangers who hid the truth. I had second name because I wasn't normal like them, I was changed so much I wouldn't be recognised as human.  
  
"Susanne?" a voice called up to me. "Susanne?" I knew who it was, but I wanted to be left alone, so I muffled my sobs. I didn't want anyone to be up here with me, not after they had hidden the truth for so long. But Daniel was persistent, and found me quickly enough. "Susanne, why are you crying?"  
  
"Because I'm a freak."  
  
"You're not. You're different, that's all."  
  
"I'm not even human really, am I?"  
  
"Is Teal'c?" I was ashamed that I hadn't thought of Teal'c while I'd been feeling sorry for myself. Teal'c was less human than me, and I'd never considered him a freak. I shook my head. "Look at me, Susanne." I did so. "You are a wonderful child, immensely intelligent, but still a human child. If people are born with deformities that doesn't stop them being human, your deformities just give you a serious advantage over the rest of your species." I took great comfort in Daniel's words, and I understood their meaning. I acted entirely on impulse as I leapt forward and threw my arms around his neck. I had no family, but at that moment Daniel was the closest thing I had to one.  
  
"Thank you," I said.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
I was unwilling to let go, so we sat together on the mountaintop above the base. "What if the NID want to know how I am?" I asked at last. "What would they do to me?"  
  
"You'll never have to find that out, Susanne," he assured me, "we won't let that happen to you. You won't be a lab rat for them any more, no matter what they say. I promise you, we'll never let them take you away from the SGC."  
  
Daniel meant it when he said that, but he had no idea of what the future would hold. Neither of us knew just how much a lie his words would prove to be, when Colonel Simmons came to the SGC just under a year later. 


	4. The End and the Beginning

I hated Simmons from the start, mainly because I could see the others hated him. General Cassidy glared when he saw Simmons, and summoned him to his office. I just stood and watched this man everyone looked at with such hatred in their eyes. I could see so easily the way they felt about him, maybe the nano-processors enhanced my perceptions, or maybe it was because I'd known them for seven years.  
  
Once Simmons had gone into Cassidy's office, Daniel lay a hand on my shoulder and led me to his lab. I let him, I'd spent a lot more of my time with Daniel since I'd found out the truth about my origins, and trusted him absolutely. Even with all that followed I've never stopped trusting him. He was probably trying to reassure me that Simmons wasn't there for me. I trusted him, and he'd told me they'd never let the NID take me, I knew he would do everything possible to stop them. But that didn't stop me worrying. I knew what Simmons was capable of, and I was scared Daniel wouldn't have enough power to keep me from him. I was right.  
  
I'll never know what was said in Cassidy's office, all I know is that Cassidy somehow managed to arrange it so that I'd still be at the SGC. He thought that as long as I was there, he'd be able to protect me from Simmons. I was grateful for that, and I still am. But he had no idea what he was letting himself in for when he tried to protect me, none of them did.  
  
Cassidy found a spare office for Simmons to use while he was on the base, not wanting us to be in the briefing room the whole time, so our meetings were very private. I noticed when I first went into the room that the video camera in the corner was switched off, no one would know what happened in this room. He dismissed the airman who had escorted me down and sat opposite me. I was glad there was a table between us, something about him made me feel very uncomfortable.  
  
"Well," Simmons began in a voice I suppose that was meant to sound friendly. He wasn't a very convincing actor. "It's time you and I had a little talk, Susan." I'm not sure which made me more angry, the mispronunciation of my name or the way he was acting like I was a baby. "I'm sure you're aware you're a very special child."  
  
"My immune system is as effective as if I carried a Goa'uld symbiote, I have nano-processors that increase my intelligence and learning capacities, I will live at least twice as long as an average human, my bones are strengthened with trinium to prevent them breaking and I have naquadah in my blood which allows me to use Goa'uld technology." I think my recitation threw Simmons out of stride.  
  
"Yes, exactly." It took him a few moments to recover, but then he continued as if nothing had happened. "Now, we want to do a few tests to see just how these differences are affecting you."  
  
He continued for a few minutes until I got sick of his condescending tone and interrupted. "Would you mind not simplifying things like that, it's very annoying." I don't know what possessed me to continue the way I did. "Oh, sorry. You're making it easier for yourself, aren't you? I'd forgotten that since I'm ten times as intelligent than an average human, I must be about a hundred times more intelligent than you."  
  
That pissed him off, and he just sat for five minutes, looking very much like he wanted to hit me. Lots of comments ran through my head about how difficult it must be for him to come up with a response to that, but I managed to hold them in check. I think the time I'd spent hanging around with Jack had given me a sense of humour similar to his. That' not always a good thing, especially when dealing with people like Simmons.  
  
I think he gave up in the end, judging by the way he flung an intelligence test on the table and stormed out. I did the test and then left it on the table, going off to see Daniel, once I'd finished. All of SG-1 were in hysterics when I told them what I'd said to Simmons, something they couldn't say themselves because of his power over them. He would never be able to tell anyone about what I'd said for fear of being made a laughing stock, having a little girl say just how much more intelligent than him she was. I doubt it was true, Simmons had to have been intelligent to get to the position he's in, but I enjoyed saying it all them same.  
  
The NID spent the next few weeks giving me tests: medical tests, intelligence tests, aptitude tests. Simmons came and went throughout, and I insulted him at every possible opportunity. I even took to carrying a tape recorder around in my pocket so that everyone else could hear some of the better insults and his feeble responses. It was probably this behaviour that let to him hating me the way he does now.  
  
At the end of those few weeks, Cassidy summoned me to his office. Simmons and all of SG-1 were there. I knew from their expressions that something was wrong, and I was worried. There was only one possibility I could think of that would have them all here like this.  
  
Cassidy spoke first. "Susanne, Colonel Simmons has had an official request to take you off the base so that the NID can find out more about the effects the changes to your body are having. You will be taken to a secure facility for the duration of the tests." Otherwise known as my entire life. I knew that they would never let me go once they had me, and the SGC couldn't protect me any more. There wouldn't be any more of Janet's tests, these would be of the cut you open and remove your insides variety. I would be losing more than my freedom.  
  
"What about her rights?" Daniel's question echoed my thoughts. He spoke angrily, using a tone I'd heard before, just not from him.  
  
"She has none," Simmons replied bluntly, "she has no record of birth in the United States, and according to all records she does not exist. She has no parent or legal guardian to answer for her."  
  
"What about her rights as a human being?" Daniel was almost shouting. It was clear the others felt the same way, but they weren't saying anything, it was Daniel who was fighting for my very right to live.  
  
"Any doctor would find it very difficult to class her as human considering her altered physiology. I don't think those apply."  
  
"She is a living, intelligent person! She has a right to freedom and to make her own choices!"  
  
"She is a very important asset for this country, and it is the duty of this government to protect her. The SGC is a very dangerous place for such an important asset."  
  
"You're talking about an innocent child! Not an asset!"  
  
"Doctor!" Cassidy exclaimed sharply. When he spoke again it was in a much softer voice, one filled with sorrow and compassion, "There's nothing anyone here can do to stop this."  
  
"I can't believe ANYONE would let this happen!" Daniel stormed out, slamming the door behind him. The bang rang in my ears afterwards, my only hope departing through it. Daniel had given up hope that he could get me out of there, and I was left. I had friends in the room but they wouldn't be able to help me. I was losing my freedom, my friends, my rights and, in all probability, my life as well. There was a black hole in my heart, dragging all the happiness out, filling me with a huge pit of despair. I fought back the tears rising behind my eyes, I didn't want to make this harder on my friends than it already was. I knew that they must have spent a long time arguing with Simmons and Cassidy about this, and that meant there was no way out. Someone in the Pentagon or the White House had signed my life away.  
  
"Don't give us stupid euphemisms, Simmons. You're not taking me away to protect me, you're taking me away so you can lock me up where no one can stop you doing what it is you want. You're not going to be giving me tests, you'll be experimenting on me, just like you did when I was born."  
  
"Very well, whatever opinion you have on our plans for you, you will be coming with us, no matter how you protest."  
  
"When did you leave your conscience behind, when you joined the NID or before?"  
  
"What I'm doing may one day save this world from the Goa'uld."  
  
I snorted. "Whatever."  
  
"Get your things, young lady! We'll be leaving in an hour!" I'd made him angry. I could hear the raised voices as I left the office and headed back to my room. It wasn't like I had any choice. Tears blurred my vision, but I didn't let them fall, I wouldn't until I got somewhere private.  
  
"Susanne!" Daniel's voice called out from behind me and I turned. He held a large bag in his hands. "Come on, I've got your things." I didn't understand what he was doing, but I went with him. "I promised I would never let the NID take you." I knew then what he was planning, he was taking me away, somewhere where I could have freedom and rights. The black hole had gone and hope was returning.  
  
"Where will we go?" I asked as we got into his car.  
  
"Back to my apartment to get my things and some supplies. After that, who knows?" The world was a dark place, full of uncertainty. We had no idea what would happen to us, where we would go or how we would survive. I turned back to look towards the SGC as we drove away, thinking of the friends I never even got to say goodbye to. I didn't know if I would ever see them again, and for the most part I still don't.  
  
THE END  
  
The sequel will be coming soon 


End file.
